When I was a little boy, people used to mocked me, let's say that I was a bullied victim. It's like they throw everything at you to take you down and unfortunately there's no one in your side, means you're just alone. Me Vs The World. Yea, I admit it that I was bullied but that's not a bad thing (for me). Having bad memories when you're child usually a bad thing, but as for me. I thanked for that because I can feel to feel, you get it? I know what it feels like to be abandoned, I know what it feels like to be left out, and I know what it feels like to adapt with hurt. Tell you the truth, almost everyday they scratch my heart and dried out my tears but then I realize, what they did to me is only make me stronger than ever.
So it's clear why I'm such an extreme introvert, yea. I don't want to get hurt. That's my way to protect myself, I don't want people leave me and I don't want they can go to my life and then out like a snap. Being an extreme introvert also make my heart cold, I can't feel anything, I can't cry even if I want to. I don't know why, maybe people think that I'm a gay but I'm just not attracted to all creatures in this world. I don't even hate them. I just see them like a flat ice, same. Heartless is good because you'll not easily get hurt by people, you're just strong as a titanium. But actually, deep in my self, there's a little boy who just so fragile like a cheap tissue looking for something that he don't even know what is that.
The hard thing being an extreme introvert is that you can't express anything, people always get you wrong for what you say, for what you did, for what you express in front of them. So the only way to prevent those thing is just silence, zip my mouth. And I actually realize that I always pushed people from my life, I make a giant wall that won't even move, sometimes I hope I can crushed it down but I can't or....I just won't do that because I'm too coward to face this world.
Being extremely introvert is challenging...
