25-Me!

Okay, I am gonna share facts about me! Why did I do this? Well most of it caused by boredom. Lol. So enjoy people, but please don't judge like a breakfast club. Off we go!

1. I ever eat a big bucket of KFC chickens all alone in less an hour, shame? No! I think that one is achievement, and trust I ended up like a trash but still, my body isn't get big.
2. I always say "bitch" in front of people back in my hometown because I was so sure that they don't understand what I mean.
3. I love to turn off my bedroom in the night and sleep with a candle only.
4. I love darkness, I don't know why.
5. I ever get bullied....a lot.
6. My great fear is "banci", everytime I saw them or even heard their voice I always shivering.
7. I have a gay friend, not gonna say the name. But, hey! that doesn't mean I'm gay. Lay off!
8. I enjoy an long distance relationship, not that I can cheat on her it's just feel mature.
9. Talking about mature, I ever date a girl that older than me, and I totally love it.
10. I used to be an emo guy that people probably won't believe it, wait...I think I still am.
11. I can play two cards at the same time, well you know what it means.
12. I knows about a lot of secrets but I'm just not too interested to share it with people.
13. I never say hello to people when we met because I was too shy, I am a shy person.
14. It's hard for me to fall in love, once I fall in I will always love that person.
15. I'm a mama boy, all my life I've been with my mum because I don't have a dad figure.
16. Talking about mum, she's a great single parent.
17. I never hate people, even if they annoyed me so much, if I say I hate you I don't really mean it,
18. I can't get angry, no matter how you tried to make me upset I can't angry.
19. I am a sensitive guy.
20. I love taking pictures when people cheating (for example in exam) well in fact I ever take a picture every single person in my class when I was in high school, I caught them cheating and I upload it or if I'm not in the mood, I show it to the school board.
21. I love to drink my own blood, sometimes I sip it from my hand.
22. I love Sailor Moon, when I was a child my sister plays as a pirate and I insist to becoming Usagi, well and I end up falling from the chair because the fake bunny hair that made from cloth is too long and I got trampled because of it.
23. I often "toothless" when I was a kid because I always ride a tricycle from the stairs, you know how it is.
24. Me and my cousin used to peeing from the pipe on the rooftop then one of us stay at the end of the pipe and shout "It's coming! It's draining! Now my turn." and then he just ran up to the rooftop and do the same thing.
25. I used to faked call a restaurant and order a lot of good foods to home because I am bored and hungry, since my mum is busy...

Well, that things about me. See you on another post!

xo

OMFG The Guy Next Door Is Gay...!?

Hold on that thought! I am not homophobic, I agree with equal relationship but that doesn't mean I'm a gay ok? It's just like I am an animal lover and let's just say I against animal abusing but that doesn't mean I'm an animal right? RIGHT? Even sometimes I think that  am a cat. Lol.

Cut the crap! Recently, I've got a new neighbor in my dorm, since my dormitory is for boys so it's a he. Well at the first I didn't notice because I like "I don't care" but he got my nerve a couple days ago. So here's the story, I was gonna fall asleep and then that person knocked the door rapidly like it was something urgent, then I opened the door with my eyes still blurry (and head hurts) and I asked him "What's up?" then he said "Sleep already?" and I said "Yes I was going to" the he just rushed into my bedroom like I am welcoming him, I was surprised and scared at the same time, he got in and he took my pillow and laying on the mat, I am already freaked out at that time, I got mad, then I listened to a music very loudly because I don't wanna hear he talking or mumbling or whatever, then I look up at him, he just grabbed my 3DS XL and played it without my permission, I didn't have guts to kick him from my bedroom so I just take it from his hand, then he stand up and start to exploring my bookcase, he got my nerve then I said "I'm going to sleep, can you get out from my bedroom?" then he said sorry and leave. A few minutes later a send him a text to not coming to my bedroom like that again because it was rude and inappropriate then he reply "I'm sorry I won't do that again, considered it was my last visit" then I said ok then he replied "I just want you to know that I care about you?" That's the creep part, what the hell is that supposed to mean? He suddenly knows my birthday and he said "Is it because of our age is too different?" Wow.

Well, am I being too paranoid? Or my guess is right that he is gay?

Once again, I am not a homophobe.

Screw Up

Have you ever in a position where everything you touch are falling apart? Well, I certainly have, and a lot. I just don't know why, I always like this makes thing worst and screwing. Every time I walk I have to be careful, watch the surrounding, am I gonna hit something? Someone? Well, probably I am the only who gets hurt in the end, always like that and it's suck. God always show me His way differently and....unique and also painful.

I feels like I am in a free fall, no one catch me, no wings to help me, all I do just close mu eyes and hope for the best. Yes, that's my life, hanging around between reality and dreams, but when I bounce, I bounced so high and when I crash well I fell so badly, I can't get up if there is no one help me otherwise I will just end up in denial. I always denying that I'm wrong, that I am not smart, that....life is never be easy it's just get harder and harder. I don't know, I feels like a shit.

Is it nightmare? If it is, someone better wake me up, I don't wanna get trapped on an eternal slumber. When I screwing up things, I always say to myself that I will not do that again but then I'm ending up in the same position, I think I don't deserve to live like this, I mean live in the crowd where people come and go watching me screwing around and then they just come to me and said "Cheer up" or "You can do it" well, easy to say but they only know me from the outside, they don't know the detail, every details for whats going on in my life.

I'm away from home, it's 6 hours on the road. And when things like this happen I just wanna talk to my mum and spill everything on my mind, on my feeling and it's always feels good for, but then I realize I'm here in Purwokerto, a different state. It's hurt though, but what to do? It's not like I can open my bag and pull out the magic door then I open it and say hello to my mum and share every shits that happen here. That's what I call a fantasy. Sometimes I woke up at the midnight and then I staring into my mum's picture, taking a deep breath and hug the picture, close my eyes but I never go to sleep again, because it's too painful to close my eyes and back to dreamland. I even think that maybe I have to take some sleep pills but that's not the answer, the answer lies in my heart not in some medicine.

And after that, I woke up at the morning and start to think "What am I gonna do today?" well all I can think about that I'm going to run away, far where no one can find me, maybe drifting in the ocean? And probably I will end up washed at the shore and they put me in a body bag.

That's what I feel when I screw up.

But here's the bright side, I always think that I only live in this world for a very very short time, so why bother this stuffs if you're gonna be in an eternal life? The most important is that I live in this world to worship Allah SWT, not to get mad or sad by some world stuffs, all I have to do is that convince God so that I can be with my mum in Heaven, even I know that I don't worth it, I'm too dirty for a holy place like that, but well things change, people change, so am I, I can be better than today, I always believe that, even if I screwing up million times world will still like this and I cannot fix for whats happen in the past, all I can do right now is say a lot of prayers to Allah, do the best in my life for every single thing and then stop messing up with stuffs around me.

If you ever in my position, you have to know that chances are million, and you can change!

I will, I have to, will you?

:)

Xoxo