Been There!

Yesterday, when I was on airing on Efec On Air, I spilled that I ever get bully, and it turns out my friends were shocked and the topic was off the rail for a minute or five. Well that's true I ever get bullied in the past for almost my entire elementary, people hard to notice seeing because the knew who I am right now, but trust me, everybody has their own past and it's dark, so did I. And I am gonna tell you this because I feels like I have to, I always heard that people get bullied everyday, everywhere, so I really hope that they read this and they will realize that they're not alone! (I actually didn't remember all of them) :-p

When I was at the elementary, my lives been hell, people threw dirty words at me, they said that I was like a girl (faggot or something like that), it hurts a lot because there are a lot of people threw that words at me. At that time I don't get it why did they said that to me, I actually didn't tell my mum, I don't know why either, but she found out eventually from people talks, yea they talk. I was so scared at that time, I should, I mean how can I not to? There's even someone throw a volleyball on my head while I was sat at the side of the court, it hit me and my head hit the wall, I have to go home at the time, well guess it. No ones picked me or even take me home, I was on elementary age and I have to go trough that alone. No one wants to played with me,  I feels like I'm some kind of disease, everytime I tried to join the kids, they just start to mocking me and looked down on me. It hurt. I spend my days in my bedroom with no friends at all, I always watching them play in the playground, they notice me but they never asked me to join them even when I smiled at them. When I want to cry at the school I simply just go to the toilet and cry, well it's not actually cry, just one or two tears then I went out with a smile in my face.

There was this time that I tried to suicide, I was in my bedroom, crying because I don't know what's wrong with my life, and I don't know why my friends did those things to me, well maybe they didn't meant to but the don't know that the memory of mock-ings, mean jokes are still on my head up until now. Well, back to the suicidal mission, I strapped my neck with a leather belt, I tried to pull it so strong then I heard my mum's sandal, spontaneously I got off the belt and throw it under the bed, when she came she saw me crying then I start to tell everything to her, I really want to move from that school but then my mum told me, if I moved that means they win, she told me to be a strong boy and  be fearless. Well, her words boost me up, I have reason to live, mum. She's my only reason to live in this world. Ever since that day I trying to not cry, even when someone kicked me with a ball, I tried not to cry because I want to show them that I am not  afraid of them, I have God and my mom with me. Oh yeah, ever wondered why they called me fag? Because I can't play soccer, or kite, or marbles or another boy's game, I can't play them because no ones teach me how to play them, yes my mum raised me by herself, she's a single parent and I don't have a dad to teach me how to be a boy, my mum is my figure maybe that's why my childhood enemies(?) called me fag. Days gone by, I finally get out from the elementary and start my juniors at the whole different level. To be continued?

The point is that, when you want to say mean things to people you'll have to think first, calling people stupid doesn't makes you smart, calling people ugly doesn't makes you beautiful. If you saw people with weird attitude, don't call them freak they're just being unique by their own way.

I will tell you more one day! Oh! I'm sorry to my fellow Efecs about yesterday because the on air turns out to be a "curhat" session for me. So sorry. Lol.

Thankfully, I survived

Xo