Turn Off

Death, everybody scared of death. It's funny though, why did they scared? Death is friendly, it removes all the pain in this life. All of them. Being dead is cold and dark. It comfortable, at least for me. I like being dead, being insensitive and all, I don't have to care about every shit that been going on around me, people won't notice anyway.

Sometimes I always pray to God to turn off my heart, so the sun. But then I realize it's a ridiculous prayers. I just don't wanna feel hurt anymore, I can't actually. Sometimes I cut my hand with a scissor or something sharp, I didn't feel anything. Am I dead? Not yet I guess, even in rain my tears won't stop coming. I also always think, "what the hell is wrong with me", then my other self answer "whatever, just live on". Can actually a walking dead boy live? Doubt it.

I don't know why my feelings are gone, I might be pretend to laugh and all but deep inside there is nothing. No flowers, sun or wind or clouds, all deep inside is just a dark place, empty with no light at all. Maybe if a cut my arm a raining blood will fall, but no. Still, there is no pain at all.

How did I get here? Is it because of him? The that still haunted every single day, every time I breath, every blink I had. I am haunted. I missed him, but I can't. Bring him back to life just caused me pain and sorrow. He need to be killed and buried away. I give everything to him but that's that. No more.

Please, keep me dead like this. I don't wanna live...

XIII