Saturday, August 31, 2013

25-Me!


Okay, I am gonna share facts about me! Why did I do this? Well most of it caused by boredom. Lol. So enjoy people, but please don't judge like a breakfast club. Off we go!

  1. I ever eat a big bucket of KFC chickens all alone in less an hour, shame? No! I think that one is achievement, and trust I ended up like a trash but still, my body isn't get big.
  2. I always say "bitch" in front of people back in my hometown because I was so sure that they don't understand what I mean.
  3. I love to turn off my bedroom in the night and sleep with a candle only.
  4. I love darkness, I don't know why.
  5. I ever get bullied....a lot.
  6. My great fear is "banci", everytime I saw them or even heard their voice I always shivering.
  7. I have a gay friend, not gonna say the name. But, hey! that doesn't mean I'm gay. Lay off!
  8. I enjoy an long distance relationship, not that I can cheat on her it's just feel mature.
  9. Talking about mature, I ever date a girl that older than me, and I totally love it.
  10. I used to be an emo guy that people probably won't believe it, wait...I think I still am.
  11. I can play two cards at the same time, well you know what it means.
  12. I knows about a lot of secrets but I'm just not too interested to share it with people.
  13. I never say hello to people when we met because I was too shy, I am a shy person.
  14. It's hard for me to fall in love, once I fall in I will always love that person.
  15. I'm a mama boy, all my life I've been with my mum because I don't have a dad figure.
  16. Talking about mum, she's a great single parent.
  17. I never hate people, even if they annoyed me so much, if I say I hate you I don't really mean it,
  18. I can't get angry, no matter how you tried to make me upset I can't angry.
  19. I am a sensitive guy.
  20. I love taking pictures when people cheating (for example in exam) well in fact I ever take a picture every single person in my class when I was in high school, I caught them cheating and I upload it or if I'm not in the mood, I show it to the school board.
  21. I love to drink my own blood, sometimes I sip it from my hand.
  22. I love Sailor Moon, when I was a child my sister plays as a pirate and I insist to becoming Usagi, well and I end up falling from the chair because the fake bunny hair that made from cloth is too long and I got trampled because of it.
  23. I often "toothless" when I was a kid because I always ride a tricycle from the stairs, you know how it is.
  24. Me and my cousin used to peeing from the pipe on the rooftop then one of us stay at the end of the pipe and shout "It's coming! It's draining! Now my turn." and then he just ran up to the rooftop and do the same thing.
  25. I used to faked call a restaurant and order a lot of good foods to home because I am bored and hungry, since my mum is busy...
Well, that things about me. See you on another post!

xo

Friday, August 30, 2013

OMFG The Guy Next Door Is Gay...!?

Hold on that thought! I am not homophobic, I agree with equal relationship but that doesn't mean I'm a gay ok? It's just like I am an animal lover and let's just say I against animal abusing but that doesn't mean I'm an animal right? RIGHT? Even sometimes I think that  am a cat. Lol.
Cut the crap! Recently, I've got a new neighbor in my dorm, since my dormitory is for boys so it's a he. Well at the first I didn't notice because I like "I don't care" but he got my nerve a couple days ago. So here's the story, I was gonna fall asleep and then that person knocked the door rapidly like it was something urgent, then I opened the door with my eyes still blurry (and head hurts) and I asked him "What's up?" then he said "Sleep already?" and I said "Yes I was going to" the he just rushed into my bedroom like I am welcoming him, I was surprised and scared at the same time, he got in and he took my pillow and laying on the mat, I am already freaked out at that time, I got mad, then I listened to a music very loudly because I don't wanna hear he talking or mumbling or whatever, then I look up at him, he just grabbed my 3DS XL and played it without my permission, I didn't have guts to kick him from my bedroom so I just take it from his hand, then he stand up and start to exploring my bookcase, he got my nerve then I said "I'm going to sleep, can you get out from my bedroom?" then he said sorry and leave. A few minutes later a send him a text to not coming to my bedroom like that again because it was rude and inappropriate then he reply "I'm sorry I won't do that again, considered it was my last visit" then I said ok then he replied "I just want you to know that I care about you?" That's the creep part, what the hell is that supposed to mean? He suddenly knows my birthday and he said "Is it because of our age is too different?" Wow.
Well, am I being too paranoid? Or my guess is right that he is gay?
Once again, I am not a homophobe.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Screw Up

Have you ever in a position where everything you touch are falling apart? Well, I certainly have, and a lot. I just don't know why, I always like this makes thing worst and screwing. Every time I walk I have to be careful, watch the surrounding, am I gonna hit something? Someone? Well, probably I am the only who gets hurt in the end, always like that and it's suck. God always show me His way differently and....unique and also painful.
I feels like I am in a free fall, no one catch me, no wings to help me, all I do just close mu eyes and hope for the best. Yes, that's my life, hanging around between reality and dreams, but when I bounce, I bounced so high and when I crash well I fell so badly, I can't get up if there is no one help me otherwise I will just end up in denial. I always denying that I'm wrong, that I am not smart, that....life is never be easy it's just get harder and harder. I don't know, I feels like a shit.
Is it nightmare? If it is, someone better wake me up, I don't wanna get trapped on an eternal slumber. When I screwing up things, I always say to myself that I will not do that again but then I'm ending up in the same position, I think I don't deserve to live like this, I mean live in the crowd where people come and go watching me screwing around and then they just come to me and said "Cheer up" or "You can do it" well, easy to say but they only know me from the outside, they don't know the detail, every details for whats going on in my life.
I'm away from home, it's 6 hours on the road. And when things like this happen I just wanna talk to my mum and spill everything on my mind, on my feeling and it's always feels good for, but then I realize I'm here in Purwokerto, a different state. It's hurt though, but what to do? It's not like I can open my bag and pull out the magic door then I open it and say hello to my mum and share every shits that happen here. That's what I call a fantasy. Sometimes I woke up at the midnight and then I staring into my mum's picture, taking a deep breath and hug the picture, close my eyes but I never go to sleep again, because it's too painful to close my eyes and back to dreamland. I even think that maybe I have to take some sleep pills but that's not the answer, the answer lies in my heart not in some medicine.
And after that, I woke up at the morning and start to think "What am I gonna do today?" well all I can think about that I'm going to run away, far where no one can find me, maybe drifting in the ocean? And probably I will end up washed at the shore and they put me in a body bag.
That's what I feel when I screw up.
But here's the bright side, I always think that I only live in this world for a very very short time, so why bother this stuffs if you're gonna be in an eternal life? The most important is that I live in this world to worship Allah SWT, not to get mad or sad by some world stuffs, all I have to do is that convince God so that I can be with my mum in Heaven, even I know that I don't worth it, I'm too dirty for a holy place like that, but well things change, people change, so am I, I can be better than today, I always believe that, even if I screwing up million times world will still like this and I cannot fix for whats happen in the past, all I can do right now is say a lot of prayers to Allah, do the best in my life for every single thing and then stop messing up with stuffs around me.
If you ever in my position, you have to know that chances are million, and you can change!
I will, I have to, will you?

:)
Xoxo

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Being Extremely Introvert

Well, this I suddenly want to start blogging again, but for now I want to share with who ever you are read this. This time I'm gonna tell you my extreme introvert side. Do you know introvert? Well, it's kind of habitual where you always all alone, closed self, not close with anyone, and maybe some people call it autism (ouch) and that's true. But for me, extremely introvert is a gift. Why? Just keep reading.
When I was a little boy, people used to mocked me, let's say that I was a bullied victim. It's like they throw everything at you to take you down and unfortunately there's no one in your side, means you're just alone. Me Vs The World. Yea, I admit it that I was bullied but that's not a bad thing (for me). Having bad memories when you're child usually a bad thing, but as for me. I thanked for that because I can feel to feel, you get it? I know what it feels like to be abandoned, I know what it feels like to be left out, and I know what it feels like to adapt with hurt. Tell you the truth, almost everyday they scratch my heart and dried out my tears but then I realize, what they did to me is only make me stronger than ever.
So it's clear why I'm such an extreme introvert, yea. I don't want to get hurt. That's my way to protect myself, I don't want people leave me and I don't want they can go to my life and then out like a snap. Being an extreme introvert also make my heart cold, I can't feel anything, I can't cry even if I want to. I don't know why, maybe people think that I'm a gay but I'm just not attracted to all creatures in this world. I don't even hate them. I just see them like a flat ice, same. Heartless is good because you'll not easily get hurt by people, you're just strong as a titanium. But actually, deep in my self, there's a little boy who just so fragile like a cheap tissue looking for something that he don't even know what is that.
The hard thing being an extreme introvert is that you can't express anything, people always get you wrong for what you say, for what you did, for what you express in front of them. So the only way to prevent those thing is just silence, zip my mouth. And I actually realize that I always pushed people from my life, I make a giant wall that won't even move, sometimes I hope I can crushed it down but I can't or....I just won't do that because I'm too coward to face this world.
Being extremely introvert is challenging...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

College

When I'm in high school, I really want to go to college because I think it's wonderful, it's great, and it's excited. But now I realize college isn't that good and it's like a crap, high school really is a fairytale, and college is a folktale, where everything turns into nightmare. When you're in high school, you might be a shark or a whale but when you're in college you're will be such a clownfish. You need to realize that college is a miniature of real life, you will need social link, moneys, and stuffs.
College isn't bad at all, but sometimes it can be such a huge crap in life, where the professors so killy and your friends is like from all around the world. College is about competency. For the social link, you can join student activities but you have to had a strong mental like a metal. You will be faced by a lot of obstacle and sometimes you will feels like you want to give up and end the things that you really hate.
For the professor taking out you need to study harder than you did in high school, but have you imagine that you're a machine that created by God? Well, if you feel so, the you have to maximize that thought and put it on you work. It's like you need to read more but you have to act more in the same time. It seems so hard, but after you fall you will always try to stand up and run again, it's pain in the ass. You will need part time work to fill your pocket, you will need to down to earth if you're nothing there or you're an outsider like me, it suck, yes it is.
Your life will full of homework, you will be invisible or it suits you, and you will trough a lot of obstacles. You need to close to God and stand with Him in any condition. You have to be an independent person, you can't be such a relying person that attach to everyone and like a remora fish.
But, once you succeed in college that means you've already work so hard and you get what you seed. So to all human that will go to college, be prepare!

Xo

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Is Malaysia Going To Win(again)?


Looks like Indonesia vs Malaysia cold war still going on and today we know that Malaysia is turning up the heat (again). This time, Malaysia will claimed Tor-Tor and Gondang Sembilan as their culture, what's Indonesian reaction?
Well, as usual after the fire lit Indonesian start to act. As we known that Tor-Tor is Batak's traditional dancing, but unfortunately there are few  of teenagers at Indonesia that doesn't even know (until know). Let's keep it simple, Indonesian teenager is on under attack of Korean Pop (K-Pop) and lately by GaGa (seriously people?).
Indonesian start their sympathy by make a hashtag on Twitter #TorTorPunyaIndonesia. Many teens tweet that so the can show their nationalism (even it's a little late). And as usual, Malaysian keep resist and going to claimed it. Did you guys think that Malaysia will win (again) this time?
Let's face the truth that Indonesian teenager (except me and some people)  are to focus on Korean thing. This is a WAKE UP CALL. We need to build our country, proud of our own culture and stop fanatized Korean thing. Seriously you guys, it's not worth it if we keep Koreanized our self but then you don't even realize that our culture is taken by Malaysia. We need to known every culture in Indonesia and if we must we must showed the to the public about those culture, so they will know and the world will know too!

But, I want your opinion about K-Pop invade our country on the comment. It's free for you to use your own language.

Xo

Monday, June 18, 2012

Puzzle

Chapter 4
Hell-O Power…!

Aku bangun dengan rasa bingung, entah kenapa kejadian malam kemarin sangat aneh. Tapi aku percaya itu terjadi. Harus. Entah mengapa meskipun aku selalu berpikir hal itu absurd tapi aku merasa itu nonabsurd. Setidaknya.
Matahari bebas masuk ke ruanganku. Dan aku melihat langit yang cerah. Pemandangan yang sukar didapat di kota kecil ini. Ibuku libur kerja, aku bisa mendengar suara dapur yang jarang sekali terdengar di bawah. Setelah mencuci muka aku segera turun ke bawah.
“Hai mum.”
“Hai Al. Bagaimana tidurmu? Kau pulang jam berapa semalam? Ibu tidak sempat melihatmu semalam, kerja lembur benar-benar membuatku lelah. Haaaaahh….”
“Nyenyak, aku pulang tidak terlalu larut. Ya aku melihat ibu di kamar tertidur sambil mendengar lagu grup band Machiato.”
Ibuku hanya melirik tersenyum. Macchiato. Grup band yang sudah ketinggalan jaman, dengan lagu slow mereka yang mampu membuatmu kembali menjadi orang tua membosankan dengan kutil di bokong. Lagu kenangan mum dan dad. Dulu.
“Oh Al, bisa kau carikan pin ibu yang hilang?”
“Pin? Dimana ibu menghilangkannya?”
“Ibu takkan bertanya jika ibu tau. Cepat ya, ibu mau pergi belanja dengan teman-teman ibu.”
“Ok.”
Akupun segera meninggalkan dapur dan pergi ke ruang tengah. Kucari disana-sini tapi tetap tidak ada. Bahkan di bawah kursi sekalipun. Aku mulai focus pada pencarian pin. Benda kecil. Tiba-tiba saja aku melangkah ke dapur. Lagi. Dan menemukan pin di dekat mesin kopi. Aku tau itu disana. Entah darimana.
“Nih mum. Kau pasti malam lupa mengambilnya kembali.”
“Thank’s Al. Kau yang terbaik.”
“Dan hanya satu.”
Mum hanya tersenyum lembut dan segera pergi ke luar.
“Jangan lupa makan siang. Aku tidak akan lama!” teriak mum dari luar.
Sekarang aku sendirian. Kenapa aku bisa menemukan pin itu? Aku merasa ada yang memberitahuku letak pin tersebut. Mungkin hanya keberuntungan saja. Sesekali aku melihat mobil lewat. Ada bus lollipop dengan wanita gemuk berpipi merah sedang memegang lollipop seperti microphone, dan di bawahnya bertuliskan “Lol is Sing. Sing is Lol”. Tak masuk akal. Yang tambah membuatku bosan yaitu seorang pedagang es krim yang sudah tua, dia sudah tua ketika aku masih bermain bola kecil. Dan sekarang aku mulai merasa kasihan padanya. Berani taruhan, dia belum punya istri. Hal itu terlihat dari cara dia memandang bokong perempuan tua yang senasib dengannya.
Tanpa terasa waktu begitu cepat berlalu, yang kulakukan hanya menonton acara-acara yang kurang bermutu. Aku mulai merasa lapar, akupun pergi ke dapur. Tapi aku tak menemukan makanan yang siap santap. Menyebalkan. Terpaksa aku harus membuatnya sendiri. Mungkin aku hanya akan membuat beberapa sosis dan bakso udang rebus. Masakan tergampang. Well, sebenarnya aku bias saja mampir ke café, tapi aku terlalu malas untuk pergi kesana. Akupun segera menyalakan kompor dan kubirakan air di panic mendidih. Sambil aku menunggu aku pergi ke atas untuk mengambil handphone-ku.
Sesampainya diatas aku tidak bisa menemukan benda yang kucari. Tiba-tiba aku melihat seseorang berdiri di depan gerbang rumahku, aku melihatnya melalui jendela kamarku. Dia seumuran denganku, berambut putih. Dia meliriku dan tersenyum dingin, lalu segera berbalik dan pergi.
Satu hal yang membuatku tertarik. Dia ada dalam mimpiku. Si mata merah biru. Abellio. Entah mengapa aku mengingatnya.
Tiba-tiba aku mencium bau gosong. Seketika aku teringat kompor yang aku nyalakan di bawah tadi. Akupun segera berlari ke bawah. Dan memang benar, api sudah menjalar kemana-mana. Aku berpikir sejenak, darimana api itu dating? Aku merasa tadi tidak ada benda yang dapat memicunya.
Akupun segera menghubungi pemadam kebakaran. Tetapi nihil, tidak ada koneksi untuk menelpon. Aku bingung, lalu aku segera berlari ke kamar mandi dan menyiram api. Nihil. Api terlalu besar. Sekarang aku berada di tengah api, aku tak bias keluar. Panas, pengap. Akupun berteriak minta tolong. Nihil. Apakah kebakaran ini tidak ada yang bias melihat?
Api semakin membesar. Aku semakin bingung dan takut. Jujur. Tak lama kemudian aku mendengar sesuatu pecah melepas ke udara. Aku mulai mendengar suara orang-orang diluar. Ramai. Diantara suara itu aku mendengar suara ibuku memanggilku dan orang lain untuk membantu memadamkan api. Aku bisa mendengar suara api yang bereaksi dengan air. Api terlalu besar, tak bisa di padamkan. Hidupku berakhir disini, setidaknya itu yang terlintas di benakku. Aku berteriak dalam hati, “Api, padamlah. Aku belum ingin mati.” Aku terus mengulang kata itu dalam hati dengan sungguh-sungguh. Aku terlalu takut untuk mati.
Aku pejamkan mata, lalu aku mengatakan kalimat itu lagi.
Aku bisa mencium bau obat, menyengat sekali. Mataku terpejam, bau itu memaksaku untuk bangun, kubuka mataku secara perlahan dan mataku terasa perih, kupejamkan kembali secara spontan. Kudengar suara bisikan orang-orang, bisikan mereka begitu lirih, diantara mereka ada suara ibuku yang mengucapkan terima kasih berulang-ulang.
Akupun membuka mataku secara perlahan lagi, dan akhirnya mataku terbuka, aku dalam posisi tidur, kulihat lampu putih terang.
“Dia sudah sadar.”
Itu suara ibuku, terdengar gembira dan langsung menghampiriku disusul beberapa orang di belakangnya, Rio dan ibunya Areshma Eclat. Areshma adalah perempuan berambut pirang dengan mata berwarna hijau cerah, tubuhnya ramping dan kulitnya cerah.
Ibu langsung memeluku.
“Syukurlah kau tak apa-apa, lain kali hati-hatilah!”
Aku hanya tersenyum pahit, entah kenapa perasaanku agak kurang enak, mungkin ini akibat rasa bersalahku.
“Ibu, bagaimana rumah kita?”
“Oh, mungkin Rio bisa menceritakannya. Ibu pingsan, karena terlalu khawatir.”
Akupun melirik pada Rio.
“Rumahmu tidak apa-apa, bahkan pemadam kebakaranpun tidak membantu.”
“Tidak membantu? Tapi apinya padamkan?”
“Iya, padam tanpa air.”
“Apa maksudmu?”
“Begini Al…”
Tiba-tiba Areshma memotong pembicaraan.
“Valent, kau harus banyak istirahat dulu. Jangan terlalu dipikirkan kecelakaan tersebut. Setidaknya biarkan fisik dan mentalmu merasa damai.”
“Oh, baiklah kalau begitu.”
Akupun berbaring kembali, semuanya pergi membiarkanku untuk beristirahat. Aku masih bingung dengan apa yang Rio katakana, rasanya dia mengatakan bahwa api padam tanpa air. Intinya. Tapi aku tidak mau memikirkan hal rumit dulu. Aku pejamkan mataku lagi. Aku masih ingin tidur, aku lelah…
***
Tak terasa hari sudah malam, aku tidak bisa tidur lagi, tidur selama 15 jam (kurang lebih) benar-benar membuat mataku perih untuk memejamkan mata kembali. Aku melihat keluar melalui jendela, bulan bersinar terang. Tanpa bintang. Hanya ada awan malam yang menyelimuti bulan. Akupun beranjak dari tempat tidurku, lebih mendekat ke jendela. Cahaya ruangan hanya dipenuhi cahaya bulan, aku sengaja mematikan lampu. Aku suka gelap.
Kubuka jendela lebar-lebar, kurasakan angin malam yang masuk ke ruanganku, terasa sejuk sekali.
“Valent…” bisik suara yang entah darimana.
Akupun membalikan badan. Tidak ada siapa-siapa.
“Valent Bloodworth…”
Aku semakin kalut, galau tidak tahu siapa dan darimana asal suara itu.
“Hebat juga gelagatmu, Valent…”
Kini aku melihat sosok asal suara itu, tepat sedang duduk di sofa dengan santai, orang berjubah hitam, bermata merah biru, Abellio. Aku agak terkejut, tapi aku sudah merasa agak terbiasa dengan hal ini.
“Bagaimana kau bisa masuk?” sebenarnya aku juga sadar, pertanyaan dramatisir.
“Kau tak perlu tau bodoh.”
“Apa maumu? Aku melihatmu sebelum kebakaran!”
“Tapi kau berhasil memadamkannya.”
“Apa maksud…”
Tiba-tiba aku dikelilingi oleh asap tebal berwarna hitam pekat.
“Hentikan Umbra, dia belum ‘sempurna’.”
Tiba-tiba dari asap tersebut ada tonjolan yang membentuk seperti bola dan akhirnya mebentuk menjadi kepala manusia. Aku dapat melihat matanya yang putih pekat dari asap tersebut. Hanya asap. Aku susah bergerak.
“Oh, dan seharusnya kau tidak mengatakan hal itu, Abe…”
Sosok itu menyeringai jahat. Suara itu yang memanggilku tadi. Menyeramkan. Kemudian sosok asap tersebut menjauh dariku dan menghampiri Abellio, lalu duduk di sampingnya. Asap itu memadat, sekarang asap itu berbentuk manusia, dan akhirnya asap itu memang manusia. Seumuran dengan Abellio, matanya putih pekat, kulitnya coklat, rambutnya bewarna biru gelap pekat dan dia mempunyai sayap kecil di belakang, sayap itu berwarna hitam, sayap seperti iblis.
“Aku heran kenapa Lord memilih anak ini, aku bahkan tidak bisa merasakan kegelapan dalam dirinya.”
“Belum, mungkin. Tapi setidaknya kita menghormati Devina. Dia belum sempurna.”
“Lalu?”
“Saat dia sempurna…kau taulah.”
Aku hanya berdiri tegang tak mengerti, sinar bulan justru mendukung suasana aneh ini. Misterius.
“Hmm..bolehkah aku ikut dalam pembicaraan?” potongku mencairkan ketakutanku.
“Woaa, berani sekali dia berbicara seperti itu pada kita!?” kata si hitam, atau kalau tidak salah Abellio memanggilnya Umbra.
“Memangnya kita siapa? Biarkan saja, nanti dia akan jadi salah satu dari kita.” Balas Abellio dingin sambil beranjak.
Aku semakin tidak mengerti dengan apa yang mereka bicarakan. Ketika aku membuka mulut untuk berbicara, tiba-tiba Abellio memotong.
“Ayo Umbra, aku bosan.”
“Sudah mau pergi? Baiklah, baiklah…”
“Selamat tinggal, Valentino.”
“Bye Valent, pertemuan yang kurang berkesan.”
Lalu dalam sekejap mereka masuk dalam portal. Menghilang dalam kegelapan.
Aku tetap berdiri seperti orang bodoh yang baru melihat hantu. Kemudian aku berjalan perlahan menuju ranjang dan kembali dengan posisi orang sakit. Aku menyandarkan kepalaku di bantal, berusaha meyakinkan kalau kejadian tadi hanya khayalan semata, tidak nyata. Aku meyakinkan pada diriku kalau aku mengalami gangguan saraf, dan pada saat besok bangun aku akan menjadi manusia baru. Seutuhnya.